Strength in what remains behind ourinsecurities
JANNA,18 Aaron Beatrice Caihong Cally Daniel Denise Eliz Ferlin Hongwei Janice! Queenie! Rusydi SiewYee Tse Lin Credits ©Glamouresque.	Saturday, October 09, 2010 Beautiful Monster Days have been packed full with smiling until my mouth hurts, giving the fake patronizing laughter, pulling clothes out of the storeroom, taking them out, packing them back in after the customers try them on and go like "It's okay I don't think it really suits me" , tagging prices on the new arrivals, changing the mannequins' clothes (they feel really real hahaha like I'm hugging a lady gosh I'm weird), getting scalded by the steam iron, walking to the toilet to refill water for boiling, sweeping the floor, cleaning the mirrors, hearing my aunt rant about how big her stomach is and me going like exercise lo and her going like no time ley you see I where got time sia so busy everyday (and she starts going on and on about her life story LOL but I love my aunt she's so awesome the best aunt ever she cares in her own naggy ways). Bumped into Mel when I was buying food today she was spending the remaining Square2 vouchers she had left from the other time when Xynee won the Kpop contest. Great to see a familiar face and actually talk to someone normal instead of all those crazy office ladies who come EVERY SINGLE DAY to ask for new arrivals and haggle .____. Super stressful working in this industry I don't think I wna take this route in future (but I'll never knw also actually) my aunt has worked for 4years straight with no breaks in btwn because obviously shops have to open every single day. Super overworked I honestly hope I can help her but I'm not too familiar with the ropes yet and I have a serious issue regarding communication with customers. I have no idea why I can't talk to them for nuts. My aunt's like okay go serve that customer and I'm not noooooo you go I sweep floor. I can't do it! I can't even say hi, I think I've a problem with rejection. I hate rejection (but who's a fan of rejection anw?) so I'm like scared they won't say hi back and I'll feel so rejected (I'm so lame is this some kinda illness). And honestly I can't talk to strangers as if they're my friends like how my aunt can. The most I can do is 1. Smile 2. We have that in different sizes you can give it a try 3. There's another colour too *here* I have to break out of my shell but yknow sometimes I feel like they rather browse on their own than hear me rant on about its material how many percent off what other new arrivals we have. But I guess this is how the sales industry rolls, you've to be thick skinned to survive. And obviously I cannot because I'm so thinskin HAHAHAHA Yknow how sometimes when we go into shops and the shop owners has the you-guys-can't-afford-the-stuffs-in-my-shop syndrome? I'm starting to get that syndrome DARN so bad because I know how much I hate to be treated that way yet I still look at sec school kids in a similar manner. But I mean I'm not mean to them just that I knw they ain't gonna be buying anything. Better than those shop owners (even in Bugis I mean of all places Bugis stuff's so dirt cheap and you still despise us teens?!) who go like "她们不会买的啦每次这样的" I mean hello its only proper service etiquette to be serving us even though we might not buy anything right. You can badmouth us all you want after we leave the shop we don't really care but outright, it's just plain rude. I'm so without social life right now so un-updated about life. Like I'm living in my own bubble surrounded by work and the little things that make me happy. Little things like Buttercup's butter maple waffle, customers acknowledging that I'm there and talking a lil and smiling at me, days when I don't have to wait for the bus, having long talks with my mom, customers buying every single piece of clothing they tried on so I don't have to hang or fold them back, talking nonsense on the phone at that time of day, many many many many more. Girls are frankly, easy to please. Most girls that is. Unless you suay suay get a materialistic girl who's only after your money. Then maybe she's really not worth keeping. Sometimes I feel super anti-social. For most times I think I keep alot of things to myself and I'm afraid to speak out for fear of how people would view me. Have I expressed this before? I should really stop caring about how other people think of me, shouldn't I? I partly think it's because I've been strictly disciplined from young to shutup and not say anything if its not constructive. Not blaming because I know it's obviously only right to not shoot your mouth off about stupid things (I don't quite like people who do that so I myself don't wish to be as such) but because of the restrictions and fears of getting ticked off, I've kinda curled my opinions into a ball protected by a hard shell, only pouring them out to those close to me (because they don't judge me right guys hahaha). And because so, alot of times I don't talk much in settings with people whom don't know me well and vice versa. The reason why I choose to only hang out with the same few. Pros and cons I guess but I love them alot they'll always be my fav people. Am I being hypocritical here? Are you guys reading it and thinking "Eh what the Janna you always shoot your mouth off ley don't say until you always so diam diam" if I'm being a hypocrite please tell me I hate to be one. Oh, there I go again, caring about other's opinions. I MEAN IT'S ONLY HUMAN RIGHT!! You guys dig don'tcha!! This blog is so aptly named, our-insecurities. I'm really vomiting out all my insecurities in text. Sssshh don't tell anyone okay hahahaha and don't.judge.me.! PLEASE? I snipped off my own fringe, bad move. I should never try to save on fringe money looking like a small girl now :( Gasps laugh lines and eyebags, man am I old. Note to self: Stop laughing so much and start sleeping early.